There is a lot of silence, a lot of waiting. A lot of hoping.
Hoping to hear something more, something more than what is of this world.
I wait in the silence. Praying and hoping to hear something more than the screams of this earth. Something beyond myself.
Something from heaven.
I yearn to hear God’s voice. I yearn to know He is near, and I know He is… but the loudness of this earth, the distractions of this world, the lists of the everyday mute out that still small voice I desperately want to hear, that I desperately want to drown myself in.
But He is faithful, even in my unfaithfulness.
Today, I prayed.
I prayed, “Lord, I know you know how big this is. I know you know how big it is for me to lose my children. I know you know how big it is…..”
And I stopped.
I waited for Him to finish the sentence.
I intentionally waited.
I wanted Him to finish it. I patiently waited for Him to finish it. I expected Him to finish it. I knew in His kindness, that He would finish the sentence.
And He did.
“I know how big it is for you to lose your children, because I lost mine.”
“I lost my son for 3 days. For three days I was without my son, as you will be without yours for 3 days. And after 3 days I got my son back, and after 3 days you will get yours back.”
“I know how it feels. I know. And I will be with you for every moment of those days. I will love you for every moment of those days, and we will get through it together.”
I had never ever thought… I had never ever thought of that before.
I had never thought of that before.
My God. The God who created the universe, the God who created me, who created everyone, who created the world, who created the planets, who created every living being, who sent His son, who created the flowers and the sky and is my God, truly and fully completely understands exactly how I feel.
He understands my heart, the heart He made.
He understands it.
He understands the grief, the loss, the pain. Every part of it, He understands. And He is right here with me, ready to walk through it with me, because He is my God, my father, my husband, my friend, my Savior, my heart.
God has comforted me over and over in my life, and today He comforted me in a new way. In a brand new way that I didn’t even know He could.
And I am yet again amazed at what a magnificent and amazing and beautiful and glorious and loving God He is.
Jesus died on the cross, was gone for 3 days, and then rose again. I know that story. I know how amazing that is. I know how big the salvation story is. But I never ever would have paralleled that to the idea of my children being away from me for 3 days because my husband chose to divorce his family.
That never crossed my mind before.
I knew that Jesus came to earth to become a man, to walk this earth, to be like us, to deal with the same temptations and trials that we would, so that we could come to Him knowing that He has gone through what we go through.
But going through a divorce, I almost blew it off as ‘but He hasn’t gone through this’. Foolish of me.
When God was separated from His Son, the pain of that separation is the pain of a divorce. When He was away from His Son, He felt the same pain that I feel.
Nothing that I feel is anything that He has not felt too.
My God, my big powerful God, knows me. He knows my pain, He knows what it’s like to be separated from His child. He knows this hurt.
And I am yet again comforted, humbled, and blessed to be called a child of the King.
Today, I have been given the word that I needed, the word that I have been waiting for in the silence, to walk out this next step. And it was exactly what I needed.
It was exactly what I needed.
And I am at peace.
My God loves me.
Jesus loves me, this I know, for He has told me so.